


Unwavering Belief, Never Misplaced

by PierceTheVeils



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Phasma - Delilah S. Dawson
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Four shot, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mentor/Protégé, Phasma Novel Spoilers, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-TFA, TLJ spoilers to come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-02-22 12:16:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13166742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PierceTheVeils/pseuds/PierceTheVeils
Summary: Finn may not feel any lost love for the First Order, but he had nothing but admiration for his old mentor. And Captain Cardinal had nothing but faith in him.Four-shot, meant to explore the two characters in different parts of their story arcs. Begins pre-TFA, but will eventually contain spoilers for both the Phasma novel and Star Wars: The Last Jedi.





	1. Chapter 1

In hindsight, FN-2187 should have known it was a bad idea to steal food from the  _Absolution_ 's kitchens. When asked about the experience later, he was bound to claim that he didn't know what had motivated him to do it, only that he was wrong and deeply regretted his actions. That would accept the punishment assigned to him by the First Order without complaint.

But that wasn't all true, was it? For as much as FN-2187 was bound to hurt when his punishment was over, as much as he knew how unlikely he was to succeed with his schemes, he didn't regret what he'd done. And for all the young trooper attempted to hide it, it showed. For that, he was taken to Captain Cardinal for further reprimanding.

And that's where he was now. Cardinal rarely yelled at anyone, but that was only because he didn't need to. He didn't need intimidation to effectively discipline his charges. He never did. Instead, he was someone who could do it with calm words alone.

"Not only was your act of defiance a brazen violation, it was an unnecessary one. Do you know why?"

FN-2187 made a show of being ashamed, hanging his head. "Because the First Order provides each Stormtrooper with the exact amount of food they need to perform their duties at maximum capacity."

Cardinal nodded, but was clearly unsatisfied. Neither he nor FN-2187 had their helmets on, leaving their expressions exposed for all to see. "By taking more than your optimal amount from the ship's food store, you only reduce your opportunity to do well in training. Not only that, but by taking more food for yourself, you're taking some from someone else. By taking more food than you need, you leave someone else with less than they need." Cardinal's hand went to the boy's chin, tilting the boy's head up to look into the kid's eyes. "Do you understand why that is wrong?"

FN-2187 nodded as soon as Cardinal removed his hand. "I understand."

He wished he were being disciplined by someone else. Anyone else. Captain Cardinal didn't use as much pain in his punishments as others on the ship, preferring to talk the children into seeing the fault of their actions. His genuine dedication to the First Order and their cause was both inspiring and infectious, an ideal set up for his charges to follow and fall short of. He took acts of defiance almost personally, and instilled a sense of remorse in his charges like no one else could. They all looked up to him as the father they'd never have. A father who taught them everything about the galaxy and their place within. Before him, FN-2187 felt even smaller and more insignificant than usual.

"It was a mistake," the boy admitted. "I won't let it happen again."

An exhale. "You aren't a selfish person, FN-2187. For all my pondering, I can't come up with a reason for you to do this. It's unlike you, to take for yourself." Cardinal inched closer, gently forcing the boy to look him in the eyes. "Why did you do it?"

FN-2187 bit his tongue. He couldn't say it. Not in front of Cardinal.

"The truth, please."

"I... can't."

"Can't?" The captain didn't look angry. Just confused. "And why is that?"

"I... don't want to cause any trouble. Any more than I already have." FN-2187 corrected himself at the last moment. "It's not something bad. I promise."

His teacher mulled it over, watching the trooper in training with careful eyes. "You don't regret it, do you? But why would that be? I know you better than that. You aren't a... Unless."

"Unless what?" the boy asked, concerned. Was Cardinal going to say he'd been wrong about him? That he was a bad trooper after all? That Cardinal would fail him for what he'd done?

"Unless you weren't doing it for yourself," Cardinal bent down so that their eyes were level. "Who was the extra food pack for?"

FN-2187 shook his head. "Nobody. I was just-"

"Don't lie to me, FN-2187. Lying to a superior is a grave violation, far worse than stealing food."

Oh no. Did that mean his punishment was going to be worse?

Cardinal must have sensed his fear. "I won't report you for misconduct if you tell me the truth. Who was the extra food pack for?"

"...Nines was throwing up in the middle of the night last night." He couldn't hold it in any longer. "He got it all out of him, and the med droids said he was okay, but he told me he was hungry. He wanted to eat something other than medicine."

Cardinal shook his head. "I visited FN-2199 this morning. He isn't ready for solid food yet." His eyes softened. "Your looking out for fellow troopers is to be applauded, but trust the med droids to know better about these things. The First Order will ensure he's eating normally again as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir."

Cardinal gave him a smile. "Trust me when I say your only fault was taking things into your own hands. It's important that you trust the First Order and their decisions, especially when it comes to someone's health. If you assume to know better, you could end up hurting your fellow troopers."

"I'll trust them," FN-2187 promised. "I won't do this again."

"Good. You will report to the punishing room as soon as you leave here. I'll instruct the administering droid to reduce the original settings. You should be done in under an hour."

"Thank you, sir." FN-2187 saluted. He couldn't believe how lucky he was.

"I expect to see you back at your best tomorrow, you hear? And as long as I don't catch you trying things like this again, I won't enter anything into the reports."

"Yes, sir!"

The red-armored trooper watched as the boy scampered away. He could be accused of going soft on the young trooper, but the captain was sure in his assessments. FN-2187 excelled in physical exercises, and had the heart of a true Stormtrooper. When he graduated, he would live to fulfill the ideals of the First Order well. Assuming he could take to the rules that went along with such service.

But Cardinal had confidence that he'd done the right thing. Throughout the rest of FN-2187's days on the  _Absolution_ , that was the only sign of nonconformity FN-2187 ever showed. And throughout those days, FN-2187's sense of admiration for his teacher only grew. He looked up to him not only as a model Stormtrooper but as a model person. For a while, FN-2187 was convinced that Cardinal was everything he wanted to be.

That while lasted until FN-2187 went off to the  _Finalizer_ to complete his training. On that ship, his world was shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N's: So this is my first time writing for Star Wars ever. I wasn't even a big fan of the movies until a few weeks ago, and look where I am now. I consumed the Phasma novel in under a day, and had to go see The Last Jedi twice to fully take in how much I loved the movie. And what better way to express my love than to open my SW fanfiction journey with an explorative three-shot about two of my new favorite characters?
> 
> It's obvious Cardinal was the one to train Finn (or FN-2187, as Cardinal knew him), but what was their relationship? What did Finn think of Cardinal, and vice versa? How do they feel about each other after the events of the Phasma novel and both movies? That's what I want to explore, in this foray into new territory. I have two more chapters left to this story: one set shortly before TFA, when Finn learns of Cardinal's supposed death (he's assumed to actually live in this fanfic), and one set after the events of TLJ, when Vi and Cardinal find the Resistance after a long search.
> 
> Any and all comments and critiques are highly appreciated. As said, I'm new to the universe of Star Wars, and would love all the help I can get when it comes to being true to the universe. Thanks for reading, please review, and I'll see you on the far side!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: What can be considered spoilers for the Phasma novel lay ahead. If that is something you don't want to read, please finish the book before continuing.

FN-2187 stood in formation alongside thousands of other Stormtroopers, all facing their leader and trainer Captain Phasma. To her side was General Hux, a redheaded officer who often gave them speeches and orders with passion and fervor. The two had returned from a meeting on the  _Absolution_ mere shifts ago, and had summoned an assembly for all Stormtroopers to attend so they could deliver "important news" to everyone on board.

At the time, FN-2187 could only assume it had something to do with the recent meeting. He wondered if Cardinal had been present for it. Though it had been years since the trooper had been transferred to the  _Finalizer_ , he found himself thinking of his old mentor often, particularly when Captain Phasma was displeased with his performance and put him on cleaning duty. He was one of the few Stormtroopers who could say he'd seen every part of the Star Destroyer because of that. Sometimes, FN-2187 wondered if that was all he had to look forward to in the First Order.

He didn't know what Phasma had against him, but whatever it was, it was inescapable. FN-2187 could only hope that one day, he would do well enough in training or combat that she let up on breathing down his neck.

"Stormtroopers of the First Order. Today, I have called you all together, regardless of your age, graduation status, or rank, to deliver some very unfortunate news. As this impacts each and every one of you, it is vital that all of you know of it. That all of the Stormtroopers know of it."

The way the general was swallowing, the way his eyes were widened and cast down... anyone could see he was deeply troubled. But FN-2187 had seen him give many speeches before, and he knew the general's style to be somewhat exaggerated. He would never say such things out loud, but he would mock the general in his private thoughts. Watching the man give speeches was often quite comical for the young trooper.

Too bad today was anything but.

"From your first days in the First Order to the day you took the next step in your service, you had resided on one ship: the  _Absolution_. As you grew from the small, pitiful child you once were, the outcast that the galaxy tossed aside, you were accepted with open arms into the First Order. You were taught to be servants of the cause, and were aided by a program built by my own father. A program that he put together with the help of myself, with the help of Captain Phasma, and..." he paused, giving what almost passed for a sigh. "With the help of Captain Cardinal.

"Captain Cardinal was the teacher of every single one of you. A model soldier, he put everything he had, body, mind, and spirit, into the purpose the First Order had arranged for him. Through him, you all flourished, and grew tall, strong, and capable as a soldier. Through him, you were given many tools you will need as you serve the First Order. Even as some of you complete your training here, I am certain you will never forget the foundation that Captain Cardinal gave you. Truly, he is an inspiration for all.

"Which is why it comes at a great cost for me to inform you that Captain Cardinal is no more."

Isolated gasps could be heard around the room, mostly from the recent arrivals. It took all of FN-2187's training to keep his mouth shut. To keep his knees from collapsing under him. How could it be? He wanted to scream.

But General Hux wasn't finished.

"That day, when our meeting on the  _Absolution_ had ended, Captain Cardinal received a report of a malfunctioning weapons simulation. He and Captain Phasma went together to investigate. Each suffered from their encounter with the broken machine, but Captain Cardinal took far more damage. He was taken to the medbay, but nothing could be done. Captain Cardinal was beyond saving and in great pain. The med droids terminated his life in an act of mercy." General Hux glanced down for dramatic effect. "This will not be reported to anyone beyond the Stormtrooper corps. For everyone else, Captain Cardinal has been sent on a long term mission planetside. But as his former charges, Captain Phasma insisted that you ought to know the truth.

"Train hard, be strong, and serve the First Order as diligently as your teacher once did. Such acts are the best way to preserve Captain Cardinal's memory. If you manage to do as much, he will most certainly be proud of you."

Silence. Cold, deafening silence as each Stormtrooper struggled to keep their emotions under the helmet. If one listened hard, they might have heard an occasional whimper take to the air, or a sniffle that couldn't be suppressed.

If one could see under each individual's helmet, they would see streaks of tears on beds of red, faces crimson the color of the late captain's armor. But their collective grief was muffled, strangled by the code and regulation that made up their lives in the First Order.

A real Stormtrooper has no room for grief. A real Stormtrooper is the extension of the First Order. Nothing less.

After a brief eternity, the silence was broken. By none other than Captain Phasma and her sharp, cold tones.

"Now that you have received your report, return to your duties immediately. Those in training are to report to the simulation area. The machines here, I assure you, are in perfect working order."

FN-2187 almost flinched at the way she spoke. The way she could continue on as though it was nothing, as though she _hadn't_ just lost her partner in the mission of training Stormtroopers. Was she too simply hiding her emotions, or did she feel nothing? Was it the First Order's way to be devoid of all feeling as she was?

Cardinal had never been that way. He took his mask off often around the young troopers, whereas Phasma never did. He was guiding and encouraging to each and every one of his charges, whereas Phasma was harsh and critical. Cardinal's was a loss felt in the heart of every Stormtrooper, but what would it be like, if the situations were reversed? Aside from the legend she represented, did anyone here feel a personal connection to Phasma?

Losing Cardinal had struck FN-2187 right in the heart, leaving a gushing wound that nothing could patch up. And even if they could, FN-2187 didn't want them to. His fresh grief was a wound he couldn't stop picking at. One that he couldn't leave alone for even a second as he mopped the upper floors.

He pushed his mop down each hallway until the floor shined a reflection of his armor. In his overflow of emotion, FN-2187 would occasionally see his vision go red, briefly confusing him as he stared at his reflection in the floor.

The young Stormtrooper was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn't even notice as he approached the quarters of General Hux. Their voices were loud, but muffled by a mostly closed door.

"...this knife to begin with? That alone is a loose end you have yet to explain! And what happened to the security footage from the medbay?"

"There is no reason to be concerned, General. I made the weapon myself. I know what it can do to a human. A person stabbed in the lung with-"

Before FN-2187 realized what was going on, he was locked visor to visor in contact with Captain Phasma. He gulped.

"Performing my cleaning duties as instructed, Captain." He spoke, realizing only after the fact that he had done so without permission.

"FN-2187. You are dismissed from your duties on this floor. Finish the rest of the ship and report to your bunk as usual. And if I catch you eavesdropping again, there will be consequences most severe."

"Yes, Captain." FN-2187 saluted, not even bothering to tell her that he hadn't been paying attention to a word they said. The instinct to question and talk back was always there, but he wouldn't have made it to adulthood if he hadn't learned to repress such thoughts early on. FN-2187 was smart enough to understand the consequences of such a thing;

As he returned to the lower floors to mop, he couldn't help but be curious about the exchange. What could he have overheard that was so important? He hardly even even remembered what was said. Something about a knife?

Still, the way they hid it from him ate at the young trooper. Sure, perhaps it was simply a tale of a mission years ago that was none of his business to know about. But the way the general had spoken of it, the desperate tinge layered so thickly onto his voice... FN-2187 tried not to be suspicious. And on the conscious side of things, he succeeded.

But buried below the surface, his thoughts churned on. He carried out his day to day duties with an empty mindset, hollow from the hole Cardinal's loss had left in his heart. In his dreams, the exchange played over and over again, words added and removed and shifted in order as his brain invented all sorts of scenarios to satisfy his curious mind. But there was one scenario that played over and over, a scenario that wouldn't leave him.

He was back in the hallway adjacent to the general's quarters with the same mop he always used. This time, the door was wide open. As the general and captain argued back and forth, Captain Phasma became frustrated, throwing her hands down and reaching somewhere under her cape for a small box. She opened the box, presenting its contents for all to see. Inside were the remains of a small red bird, bloodied and mauled by a ruthless killer.

It was always then that FN-2187 woke up. Never before, and never after. He'd never seen a bird that looked that way, but the red was unmistakable. There was only one person his mind could associate with such a striking hue.

Still, he did everything he could to follow the First Order's way and suppress his feelings. He gave Phasma no further reason to be suspicious of him, even as it became impossible to look at her without thinking of his dreams. He wondered if he was going insane, if he should visit the medbay for treatment. He never did, even as he struggled to perform where it meant the most. It was only a matter of time before Phasma discarded him, before she realized just how broken a tool he was.

After an indeterminate amount of time in psychological limbo, FN-2187 was shocked out of his stupor by a mission to Jakku. His first ever mission, and it was to a small desert town named Tuanul. By that point, it was now or never. FN-2187 had to make a choice.

A choice he didn't even know he had made until landing on the desert planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N's: So I decided to have Finn's learning of Cardinal's death heavily parallel with Cardinal's learning of Brendol's death. Both were irreparably changed by the loss of their mentors, and both incidents had their details heavily concealed by Phasma and Armitage to the rest of the First Order. I just think there's something poetic about both mentor and protege seeing the death of their mentor as a turning point towards defying the First Order's rules. Finn more so than Cardinal, but still. In a lot of ways, I see Finn as being similar to Cardinal (and vice versa). Finn simply wised up faster to the true nature of his superiors.
> 
> Next up: a renunion for our two characters after the events of TLJ. It took Vi and Cardinal a long time, but they finally located the remnants of a broken Resistance. Vi can finally deliver the intel she has for Leia, and Cardinal can see what became of one of his finest pupils. How do you all think he would react, if he saw Finn proudly calling himself Rebel Scum?
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you all remember to comment, and Happy New Year!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Outright spoilers for both the Phasma Novel and Star Wars: The Last Jedi (especially the latter) can be found in this part of the fic. If you do not want to be spoiled for either, I recommend waiting to see the movie/read the book before coming here.

Finn didn't mind being constantly in space. He'd been raised on a Star Destroyer, and served mostly on other ships after that. In memory, he'd spent more than two days planetside only twice in his life.

No, what bothered him was the wait, the anticipation. The concern that, no matter where in the galaxy they went, the shattered remains of the Resistance were all packed into one famous smuggler ship and eternally vulnerable to First Order assault. He didn't _think_  the First Order had tracked them through hyperspace upon their escape, but only because they hadn't seen any signs of life for several cycles. Whatever corner of space they currently occupied, the battered crew seemed to be alone.

"Where to, General?" Poe looked to General Organa for guidance, eyes guarded. "Is there anywhere else we can hide?"

The woman sighed. Finn hadn't known her for long, but he didn't think he'd ever seen her look this old. "We need to get as far from Crait as possible, and we can't use any of our bases that were known about by the Republic. We have no way of knowing if they've been compromised."

"Any old Rebellion bases we could hide out in?"

She pursed her lips. "Maybe. But none on this side of the galaxy."

"This is really all that's left?" Rey asked, still holding the broken lightsaber in her lap. She hadn't said much since the rescue, nor had most people. Even C-3P0 had shut down a while back.

Still, she looked like she'd seen a lot. Finn wished she would confide in him. He was itching to hear about her time with Luke Skywalker, but now wasn't the time to ask. Finn could only cling to the belief that she would tell him in time.

"I'm sorry. I should have returned sooner."

"Don't blame yourself. You did what you could. It's because of you and Luke that we can fight another day." The general hung her head. "We'll just... have to find shelter and regroup. If we have any allies left, we'll join with them and form a plan. But we can't stop fighting. It's the only way to hold on to what we still have."

Finn turned to Rose, who was still unconscious. His gaze lingered, but not for long.

The former Stormtrooper still didn't know what to think of her. He'd only known her for a short time, and they hadn't exactly met in the best of circumstances. But on their mission together, he learned more about her than he knew about anyone else in the Resistance. She'd bared her soul to him on Canto Bight, and Finn didn't know how to respond. How could she show him so much of herself when all she knew about him was that he was a Stormtrooper who ran away?

She called him a hero. But every time Finn tried to be one, he failed. She was a sweet girl, but what did she see in him? Finn was more confused than anything.

All his life, he'd been told by others what he was going to be. Since before he could remember, he'd trained on the  _Absolution_ and the  _Finalizer_ for the sole purpose of serving the First Order. He'd resented having his destiny set in stone, resented the idea of murdering innocents for a cause he didn't believe in. So he rebelled without thinking of what came next. It was the first time he'd ever wielded such a degree of choice over the direction his life. What would he do with his freedom? Would he run to some unknown corner of the galaxy? Weather the storm until the war was over? Or would he fight against the machine that had taken him and a thousand others from the chance at a normal life? Was it fear or spite that would drive him forward? Was there anything else that could possibly motivate him?

He'd had to think about it, of course, but in the end, he'd chosen the Resistance. Proudly declared his status as "rebel scum" on the largest ship in the First Order fleet before taking off. For the first time in his life, he'd chosen his destiny. It was a strange thought, and one he still hadn't grown used to.

Now, as the Resistance huddled together, decimated down to a single ship, Finn wondered if he'd made the right choice. In his heart, he knew he wanted to help these people, but could he? Could he really be the hero that Rose seemed to think he was?

A roar interrupted his thoughts. A roar Finn would know anywhere and wished desperately he could understand.

"What is it, Chewie?" Before Finn could ask, Poe had run up into the cockpit, leaning over Chewbacca to see what they'd picked up. A few seconds later, he backed away. "Oh no, not good."

"What is it?"

"A First Order ship."

A spread of panic mixed with groaning. Then whispers, followed by silence.

"What kind of ship is it? Star Destoryer? Dreadnought?"

Poe shook his head. "A transport ship. It's alone, and not well armed. I don't think it was sent here after us."

"Well then, what is it doing out here?" The general asked. "The First Order doesn't have a presence in this system."

"Could it be a stray?" Rey spoke up. "Lost in space? Running away? Stolen?"

"I don't know, and I don't recommend we find out," Poe insisted, taking the seat next to Chewbacca. "I suggest we get out of here before we show up on that thing's radar. If it sees us out here, it could sound an alert. Permission to jump into hyperspace, General?"

General Organa nodded. "Permission gran-"

Unbidden, the comm link came on. The ship was trying to talk to them!

...How did it know how to contact them?

Chewbacca voiced his misgivings (best Finn could guess), but Poe spoke over him. "General! Do I open the comm channel?"

"No. It could be a trap. Focus on getting out of here!"

"Yes, General," Poe nodded, beginning the procedure to send them into hyperspace. The beeping of the comm link grew insistent, continuing until the Wookie threw a paw onto it. He meant to turn it off.

Poe had everything in place. He was about to pull the lever when-

"Starling, reporting to whoever is on board. Is anyone from or sympathetic to the Resistance on board? I repeat, this is Starling."

* * *

Cardinal watched as Vi shouted into the comm link, her face drenched in sweat. She'd been the one to spot the  _Millennium Falcon,_ and they'd heard rumors it was in Resistance hands. It was her idea to approach them and open a comm link.

Cardinal had been hesitant, but that hadn't stopped her. He remained silent in the exchange that followed.

"...About time you got back to me, Starling! I thought I'd lost you, too."

"General!" The spy beamed. "I hoped it was you. The First Order is saying you died, but I knew you would never go down so-"

"Who is this person and why are they calling themselves a starling?" A male voice piped up from the other end. "Starling, why are you in a First Order transport ship? Who are you?"

"I am a spy for the Resistance, code name Starling," Vi answered without hesitation. "I was on a mission in the Unknown Regions when I was taken hostage on First Order ship  _Absolution._ I managed to escape, but by the time I was anywhere close to D'Qar, I'd heard the base had been found by the First Order, and high tailed it away from there. I've been trying to find Resistance members ever since."

"Do you still have the intel I requested?" The general again.

"Sorry I'm a little late, but yes. By the way... there  _were_ First Order ships in that area. A lot of them. Hope you figured that out," Vi sighed, not caring that she'd just mouthed off to a superior officer. Did she normally get away with talking to her general like that? "Can we land somewhere? I don't want to exchange sensitive intel over radio. I passed an uninhabited planet a while back. Could send you the coordinates, if you needed."

"Are you sure it's uninhabited? Will we be safe there?"

"Yes, and... relatively so. Sending you the coordinates now."

"See you soon, Starling. We have a lot to talk about."

"That we do, General. That we do." And with that parting, Vi closed the comm link, turning her attention to sending the coordinates of the dwarf planet behind them. It wasn't far away.

"Should you have mentioned you have a copilot on board?" Cardinal questioned. In exchange for saving his life, he'd agreed to help Vi return safely to the Resistance. But that didn't mean he wanted to be face to face with General Organa herself, or found anywhere near the most wanted beings in the galaxy.

Not to mention, he didn't know how they would react to seeing him. Ignore the fact that he was a First Order officer for the moment and recall that he was  _dead_. According to the First Order, he'd died months ago. None of them knew Vi had ever been on their ship, and likely assumed his body had been disposed of by droids. Since then, Cardinal had told no one of his true identity, meaning Vi was the only one who knew the truth.

"Yeah, probably." Vi's response was cavalier as she adjusted their course. She set the transport to fly side by side with the  _Millenium Falcon._ "But it's not like you were itching to make yourself known, just now."

"I'm not known for speaking up during communications with a general." Not to mention, he had no idea what was appropriate in situations like this. He'd never had to handle communications with rebel fighters. Only fight them.

"Well, they'll meet you soon enough. If anyone on board knows who you are, I'll make sure they also know how many times you saved my hide on the way over here. I think that'll calm most of their blasting urges. Long enough to hear you out, at least." She looked into his eyes, her face dead serious. "Whatever happens, you and I fought too hard for your life for them to end it now. Trust me when I say that."

Though it went against his better judgement, Cardinal believed her. Over the course of their journey, both had surprised each other with how loyal they could be to their word. Despite every opportunity, Vi Moradi had yet to betray him. And for all his ingrained doubts, Cardinal was determined to do the same. He may no longer recognize himself without that red Stormtrooper armor, but he knew one thing for sure.

He was no traitor.

* * *

Finn and Rey had volunteered to venture out onto the planet surface together. They had the rest of the crew watching them, and their mission was simple: meet the woman piloting the transport ship, ask her the secret question the general had given them to verify her identity, and bring her back to the  _Falcon_ for further discussion. More people would have made the trip, but the ship only had two working suits that could withstand the lack of atmosphere on the planet surface. It was better to bring her to their ship than for them to go to hers.

As they approached, Finn realized where he'd seen the type of transport before. It wasn't the usual variety of ship the First Order favored. It was too small, and served one specific purpose: stealing children for the Stormtrooper program. The memory gave him chills.

Starling had been on the  _Absolution_  after all. So at least that part of her story was true.

The transport doors opened, closing after Finn and Rey stepped in. As they were removing their helmets, they saw a woman enter from the opposite door.

She wasn't a tall woman, and her curled blonde hair had grown wild. The roots were another color, and her eyes were focused on them. Finn didn't fail to notice the blaster in her hand.

"You two are with the Resistance? I've never seen you before."

"We're kind of new members," Rey responded, eyes also on the woman's weapon. "What did the wookie say to the smuggler on Life Day?"

"He offered the smuggler reign of the house to hide from Imperial eyes." The woman's response was practiced, with ease. Her answer was correct. "Did the general tell you to ask that?"

"Yes. She believes in you, but the crew is more cautious."

She snorted. "Can't blame you. If the First Order propaganda I heard is even halfway accurate, you all are in  _serious_  trouble. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to find you guys."

"And you are...?"

"Vi. Vi Moradi. Resistance spy, code name Starling." For a spy, she sure seemed comfortable revealing details about herself. Perhaps she sensed the lack of trust in the room. "And you two?"

"Finn."

"Rey."

She raised an eyebrow. "That's it? Nothing more to your name?"

"No," they responded simultaneously. Then Finn took over. "The general would like for you to come over to talk with her. But first, is there anything you think the whole crew should know?"

"Yes..." Vi hesitated, slightly grimacing. "I have a copilot."

"That's a good thing!" Rey reassured. "The one thing the Resistance really needs right now is people."

"...That's the catch. He isn't exactly keen on joining."

Rey was confused. "But he followed you all the way out here, didn't he? Why make the journey at all if he has no intention of staying?"

"Whoever he is, he can least meet with us." Finn argued. "The Resistance needs all the help we can get the casualties we've suffered."

"Speaking of dead people..." Vi turned away from them, calling out a name Finn hadn't heard in years. He froze.

No way. It had to be a coincidence. Other people had that name, right?

Finn was paralyzed when the door opened once more. As the copilot stepped through, Finn came face to face with a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N's: I didn't think this chapter was going to be so long, but I didn't want to take out the scenes at the beginning. So instead, I decided to split this chapter into two parts, making me three shot a four shot.
> 
> So this chapter wasn't as much about Finn and Cardinal's relationship with each other, but it really explored their relationship with others since the last two movies, comparing them and contrasting the two characters and showing how they've changed. I really do hope we get to see more of Cardinal's character in later material. There's such potential for his story to continue after where the Phasma novel left off.
> 
> Sorry, everyone, but the Finn/Cardinal reunion scene will be written next chapter. I like this expansion too much.
> 
> Hope you're enjoying so far, thank you so much for the comments, and I'll see you on the far side!


	4. Chapter 4

Cardinal may have been better at hiding it, but he was just as shocked. Of all the things he expected to encounter within the Resistance, he never expected a Stormtrooper. Not that you could tell he was one by looking at him... though the same could be said of Cardinal.

He hadn't seen the boy in eight years, but that didn't make a difference. Cardinal never forgot a pupil. But what was he doing with the Resistance?

"FN-2187. Is that you?"

"Cardinal!" The boy (no, man. He was a young man now) was struggling to speak. "Cardinal! I... I thought you were dead."

His former student was close to tears. Cardinal came closer, seeking to reassure him. "Do I look dead to you?"

"Finn, are you okay?" The woman next to him asked. "You're shivering."

FN-2187 stepped back, shaking his head. "No. They told us all you were dead! I was there when they announced it."

"It was pretty close for a while," Vi conceded. "Infected knife wounds to the lung tend to be pretty fatal. I flew him as fast as I could, and I still wasn't sure we'd make it in time. In the end, the infection spread too far for a full recovery."

"The healing process took months, and my lungs still aren't what they used to be. Sometimes I can't breathe without pain. It's hard for me to run, and I tire quickly." His new physical state had been a constant source of frustration for Cardinal. Phasma may not have killed him, but she'd managed to cripple him, just as she had her brother. He was permanently weak, and could never again challenge her in battle.

Cardinal knew what he'd promised Vi, but there was more than one time when he'd felt he was holding the spy back. On one occasion, when things were close and lives were on the line, he'd told her to go on without him.

She hadn't.

"Wait... a knife to the lung? The First Order said you died trying to fix a malfunctioning machine." FN-2187 hung his head. "I don't believe this..."

"Finn, I don't understand. Who is this?" The woman beside him kept talking. Her accent was a rough kind of familiar, and her skin as tanned as his. "Is he with the First Order?"

The former captain turned to her. "Before my 'untimely death', my name was Cardinal. A First Order captain charged with training the Stormtrooper recruits." He nodded towards FN-2187. "This one was a talented student, I remember. A smart and dedicated soldier who always put others before himself."

"Too bad the First Order doesn't want good soldiers," Vi piped up from behind them. "Just tools they can treat as expendable."

Cardinal thought about protesting. He usually did whenever she insulted the First Order in front of him. But just this once, he let it go.

Despite everything, Cardinal had a hard time believing that the First Order he had loved and served for years was a lie, in part or in whole. He told himself it was a system that could be great, but was poisoned by individuals like Phasma, who abused position for personal gain and killed for their secrets. If he could expose and remove the people like her, and the people like Hux who abetted her, the First Order could fulfill its mission as it was meant to and bring peace to the galaxy.

And yet... he couldn't exactly deny the butchery he'd witnessed on his mission with the spy. The First Order won most their battles, but only because they had no problems wiping through seventy or eighty percent of their troops and most systems capitulated after losing half. The only other group in the galaxy with heavier casualty rates at this time... was the Resistance.

"Thank you, Ca- Cardinal. You have no idea how much that means to me. For you to say that about me, when everyone looked up to you... do you know how the Stormtroopers grieved when they all thought you were dead? Productivity was down over fifty percent for weeks. Morale was worse. Phasma was punishing everybody."

"You were punished for grieving?" The woman looked incredulous. "What in the galaxy?"

The spy sighed. "To let Stormtroopers grieve is to acknowledge that they have feelings. Which most people don't. You wouldn't  _believe_  how many people still think they're fighting clones."

"I'm sorry. I never intended to cause so much pain," Cardinal admitted. He wished he had his helmet when making confessions like this. His face and expressions were too exposed without one. "I only wanted to serve as best I could. The same thing I always have. But FN-2187-"

"Actually, it's Finn now." Finn jumped in to correct him, slightly sheepish. "Ever since I joined the Resistance, it's what I've been going by."

"Finn, then," Cardinal nodded, bringing a smile to his student's face.

"Glad you all are reunited, but the general is expecting me. I've kept her waiting long enough." Vi broke in. "I'll head back with this girl and tell everyone about you. Is that okay?"

Cardinal paused. In an ideal set of events, he would go under a fake name when behind enemy lines. But if Finn had already identified him, it wouldn't be long before others knew.

"Go ahead."

"Will do. Take all the time you need, boys." Vi donned the suit Finn had been wearing to walk over.

Cardinal watched as they left, leaving the two men alone. "Anyway, what I meant to ask you, Finn, is just... why are you here? Why did you join the Resistance?"

Suddenly confronted with the heart of the matter, Finn no longer looked happy to see him. Of all the things Finn thought would come out of his desertion, he never thought he'd have to explain his actions to Cardinal. Anyone but Cardinal, and he'd be fine.

How could Finn face the great red captain who'd given his whole heart to the children and cause? The one who'd taught them from arrival how great the First Order could be? Finn had known it to be a lie for some time now, but he'd never blamed Cardinal for it. The thought hadn't even occurred to him. Finn had looked up to this man for much his childhood, and had recently spit in the face of everything he'd stood for. Finn could only hope his mentor would understand why.

So he tried his best to explain. "...I couldn't do what you wanted me to do. I couldn't bring myself to trust the First Order with anything, least of all people's lives. On my first real mission, they ordered us to slaughter an entire village on Jakku. Even the ones who hadn't fought back. I-I wasn't able to fire my blaster. Not even once.

"It was in that moment I knew I wasn't going to kill for them. If I'd tried to stay, I'd never live up to the Stormtrooper they wanted me to be. I didn't want to be that solider. So I rescued a Resistance pilot and we flew out in a TIE fighter. He's the one who named me Finn."

When Finn mentioned the origin his name, Cardinal got an odd look in his eye. Like he was thinking about something that happened long ago, and trying not to linger on it too long. Finn sought to discern what it was, but he had no idea what the older man was thinking.

And so he kept talking. "I'm sorry I didn't turn out the way you thought I would. That I'm not the great soldier you thought I was... but nothing you could have done would have changed where I am now. You were wrong to believe in me."

Cardinal didn't speak for a long time. He didn't look angry or disappointed, but Finn could only imagine he was. It wasn't what he'd wanted, but what Finn had said was true: it wasn't Cardinal's fault. He didn't hold Cardinal responsible for the way the First Order looked today. Finn's refusal of the First Order had nothing to do with him. He belonged with the Resistance. Nothing Cardinal or anyone could do or say would change that. Finn realized that now.

So while it hurt to let his mentor down, Finn didn't regret a thing. In his heart, he knew he'd made the right choice.

Finn walked away, looking for a suit on this ship to brave the lack of atmosphere when-

"...I don't think I was."

"Hm?" He turned around, making eye contact with his former captain. His face was resolved now.

"I wasn't wrong to believe in you. You have the heart of everything I believed a true Stormtrooper to be. That's still the truth. You've found something you believe in, and are willing to fight for it. You're doing what you can for what you think will bring a better tomorrow. I could hold that against you, but I won't. And in all honesty," he put a hand through his hair, carefully considering his next words, "I understand how you came to the conclusions you did. When I woke up with Vi at my side... she may have saved me, but my life was gone. Even if I found my way back to the  _Absolution,_ I could never be the man I once was. I can't deceive any more children. I can't ignore the fact that I've been grooming them for a wasted life. I've seen too many of my charges die a preventable death."

He sighed, shoulders shuddering. "Soldiers die in wars. That's nothing new. But they don't die like this. I've seen the battles firsthand. I've read the uncensored reports. I've done the numbers. At current rates, two thirds of all Stormtroopers will die in their first three years of duty. By the fifth year, that number climbs to three quarters. I know the First Order isn't expecting their takeover to need five years, but that doesn't change the death toll. These soldiers are not poorly trained- or at least, I don't _think_ they are. If the people in charge spared a little extra effort, hundreds of troopers could still be alive. It's as if their lives are meaningless. That's why whatever you call yourself now, whoever you serve... I'm just happy to see you alive."

The younger man choked up just thinking about it. If Finn had still been a Stormtrooper, would he be alive right now? He'd had a few close calls with death in the Resistance, but there'd always been someone there to save him. First Rey and Chewbacca, and then Rose.

But the First Order didn't operate like that. People like Captain Phasma had never outright discouraged saving one's comrades, but they'd never given it any importance, either. One wasn't supposed to save a comrade in the training sim unless it directly contributed to the mission. If one did anyway, it was considered shielding someone else from their deserved failure. A useless act. And such methods caught up with them in battle, it seemed.

Cardinal was grieving his former students. The same way his former students had grieved him.

"I'm sorry, Finn. I did this to all of you. The First Order I believed in... I don't recognize it now. It's become an evil it was never meant to be. I can't deny that anymore. But even then, I'm as guilty as those I despise when it comes to perpetuating the lie. The things you suffered under the First Order... I helped do that to you. I helped do it to thousands. And in the end, they're the ones who pay the price. Not me."

There was so much weight on his chest. And not just from his injuries. The things he'd seen... he'd known what the First Order sought to do, but he hadn't known the extent of their methods.

But did that make a difference? In the end, it wasn't as though Cardinal could claim ignorance. Any ignorance he might have had was almost completely willful on his part.

"Maybe you have it reversed. Maybe it was wrong for _you_ to look up to me."

"No," Finn protested. He didn't even hesitate. "I don't blame you for anything that happened to me under the First Order because you aren't responsible. Why do you think your students care about you so much, huh? Why do you think we were so affected when we thought you'd died? Because at the end of the day, you were the only one who gave a damn about us. That hasn't changed.

"I'm not proud of the person I was before I joined the Resistance. Even when I first deserted, all I wanted to do was run. But while I was here, I made friends. You weren't the only one who'd ever cared about me anymore. The people on that ship over there are loud. They don't care much about protocol, and they're rash to a _serious_ fault. But I can tell you right now that everyone on that ship gives a damn about each other. And in the end, that's what's going to save us. We aren't going to win this war by fighting people we hate..." he faltered, looking down for reassurance, "but by saving what we love.

"You can join us, Cardinal. They accepted me, and they can accept you too. If they hear you renounce the First Order, they'd be eager for all the help they can get. And I bet you have a lot more valuable information than I do. If you told the general what you knew-"

"I'm not sure I can."

"What? Why not?"

"I may not like what the First Order has become, but... I was there when it was just beginning. I know what it used to be. I believed in my mentor's vision the way he believed in me. Even now that he's gone, even now that his creation's been corrupted... I'm not sure I can bring myself to destroy his life's work. When I confronted my killer that day, I didn't want to destroy the First Order. All I wanted was for justice to be done. Justice for the fallen general."

Finn sighed. He didn't know much about the original General Hux, but Cardinal clearly did. And whatever he knew, it was too much for him to let go of.

Cardinal's stalwart loyalty had always been something Finn admired about him. It did the man no favors now.

Finn couldn't imagine the First Order being anything other than what it was, but he had to try. For Cardinal's sake. "Whatever you think the First Order was meant to be, it isn't that now. Whatever you think the first Hux was trying to create, it's been changed into something else entirely. His legacy's already been destroyed. If you were to join the Resistance, it wouldn't be a betrayal."

Did the young man really think this was going to work? Maybe not, but goddammit he  _wanted_  it to. He didn't want to lose his mentor a second time.

Unfortunately for Finn, all Cardinal wanted... was the same thing. "Maybe that's the difference between you and me. I won't crucify you for betraying the First Order, but I could never do it myself. After everything that's happened to me, I only know one truth:

"I am no traitor."

"But-"

"What the Resistance does with me is none of my concern. If I can safely leave, I will. If they interrogate me, good luck to them. If they want to kill me... I died months ago."

Finn opened his mouth to protest, but no words came out. He didn't want to give up hope, but what else could he say?

The others would be finished soon. Neither man knew what would happen then. But both had made their decisions clear.

And that would never change. Regardless of how they felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N's: I had a different ending in mind at first. One where the story went on far longer than this. But after rereading the Phasma novel, I had a hard time imagining Cardinal ever fully turning his back on the First Order. He may not resent the Resistance so much after going on an adventure with Vi (not to mention, she saved his life), and he now knows the First Order is no longer (never was?) what he believed in, but would he be willing to give up on what he'd worked for all his adult life? He put his heart into his work, did everything a "good" FO soldier ought to, and the result was a knife to the lung. The tragedy of his character was one of my favorite parts about the novel (the other, of course, being learning about Phasma and her past), and at the end of the day, I wasn't willing to change that about him. Even if it would make for a happier ending.
> 
> Not to mention, the failure of the "join my side" plea is a staple of so many SW storylines that the temptation to include it was just too strong. In spite of this, I hope you enjoyed. Studying Finn and Cardinal (in particular, how they relate to each other) was a good start for me on my SW fanfiction journey. My next one? A StormPilot oneshot, set during TLJ.
> 
> Thanks for reading, don't forget to review, and I'll see you on the far side!


End file.
